#Donkeycarousa

Lost on facebook I just read an advertisement for a young Trini man’s Flores Shaun talk, “The Straightjacket of Masculinity” and it catapaulted me back to Siwa.

I wondered, in a society like Siwa where men and women are basically segregated by gender, who do men talk to about the way they feel? Sisters? peers? Wives? Western women? In Siwa, how many wives are their husband’s best friend? I imagine being a man is as challenging here as for men in Trinidad and many parts of the United Kingdom (oops is it still united)?

I asked some Siwan men (small survey) who they talked to about the way they felt. Answers included, talking to their sisters was not an option; talking to men their own age wasn’t an option because there was too much competition; and some talked to Western women - foreigners or Egyptians. I remember, in Trinidad, when a boyfriend of mine had met a challenge and I felt he needed a man his own age to talk to … it was difficult to find a man who was progressive, sensitive, informed and who inspired confidence. Gregory Sloane-Seale stepped up to the plate but there aren’t many Gregorys (pros and cons with that eh, Gregs!).

So far, the feedback I’ve got from a few Siwan girls and women on life in this oasis is that they feel constrained and frustrated in this society. Is it because they’re younger and more connected? They’re seeing other women’s lives on TV, seeing women tourists visiting Siwa? Or they're studying at university? I’ve even been told that some seem embarrassed to talk about their experiences to non-Siwan women. If true- sounds familiar? Women and feelings of shame? Inextricably linked everywhere? But, don't get confused Siwan women from all reports are not shy retiring flowers. Plenty sound kick ass! My sample is microscopic and I am constantly on the look out for new ways to engage with Siwan men and women to hear deeper and nuanced perspectives of their experience of life in Siwa.

As I watched the little girl run and play alongside the donkey I thought, it’s probable that one day she won’t be allowed to run alongside a donkey carousa with her brothers and cousins, uncovered. Maybe, she won’t want to. I wonder how this 5-year-old will interface with her parents and her society when she’s a teenager. Maybe much later, she'll become a Member of Parliament. Change is coming to Siwa and it’s coming fast in all it’s complexity.

I was inspired by the story of a wonderful Egyptian father who protected his daughter from her mother who wanted to circumcise her. There’s work to be done and it has started.