#ChannellingOscarthegrouch

Here in Siwa, men greet men with a shake of the hand. They don’t offer their hand to a woman unless she puts her hand out first. That way, a woman who does not want to be touched by a man can avoid it and no one looses face. The way I see this lovely custom depends on what mood I’m in. Some days I think it’s a lovely way to greet people. Other times it feels hypocritical when yesterday, I was hanging out casually with you, who are now offering me your hand.

The reality is I’m a Western woman in a town with a non-Western culture with foreigners in it and cosmopolitan Egyptians so, there seems to be lots of grey but maybe there isn’t at all. I’m just confused and probably in turn, confuse. Last night I met an Egyptian friend who has lived in Europe and I could not remember whether we usually hug or not and I was just like I have no idea whether it’s ok to hug you or not so I’m just not hugging anyone and it felt too formal to shake his hand. He laughed, unconcerned and said something like, “I’m sure Siwan men would be quite happy to be hugged by you.” It wasn’t a snide remark. I got his point.

Siwan men never hug women. Ok, lemme clarify. I have have never seen a Siwan man hug a Siwan woman. Firstly, there aren’t many women in public and secondly, I’m not often in their private spaces so maybe family members are madly hugging each other and I am unaware. I have rarely seen Siwan men hug women and of course, if they do they’re men who hang out/work with westerners and they’re hugging western women.

There are maybe 2 or 3 men in Siwa who I may hug after spending time with them. One of them is not Siwan. I usually ask if it’s appropriate and that’s usually because I think it is. Maybe, we’ve just had an intimate (and by intimate I mean open and honest and personal) conversation about relationships and cultural differences. Just because I hug a man in one moment does not mean I would automatically hug him the next time we meet. Sometimes I simply forget whether I’ve hugged this man before or not so I go on the exchange we’ve just had. If I have a conversation with a man that is the kind of conversation I would have with a Western man then a hug feels like the natural action on parting. However, that does not mean that it is so I ask and the answers have been, “Of course it is.”

It’s very confusing and frankly, I’ve been known to completely fuck it up.

Talking about it to a friend on the phone, she said, “You’re affectionate and huggy”.

“Bollocks to that”, I said. “I’m not”.

I may hug lovers but I rarely hug friends and relatives. Maybe on arrival and departure but, I don’t cuddle friends when I lie on sofas with them or go on long-distance road trips. That is not me. She thought for a moment and said, “You’re right. You’re not huggy you’re floppy.”

“Huh?” I said.

“You sort of enter people’s space without touching them. You flop, but you’re not touchy feely”.

It made no sense but actually, it sort of did.

Anyway, I’m not hugging anyone anymore and I’m unlikely to shake hands either. Fuck coming to terms with the world being grey, I’m going back to black and white.